Does anyone know where we can turn when life dumps immeasurable failure upon us? Family. I have suffered depression for a great number of years. I have never married nor had children. In my younger days, they just didn't seem that they would ever fit into my busy lifestyle of working all day and partying all night. I did fall in love, however, with a dear man who was taken from me all too soon of cancer. Then I faced something that I never thought I would have to. At 46 I found myself out of a job. When I should have been qualified for any number of fields, I was told "underqualified" or "overqualified". With a car and house payment and other debts that had built up over the years of swinging between manic stages and depressant stages, it didn't take long to feel totally overwhelmed. When my family called, I would lie and say "Everything's wonderful. Interview tomorrow." But being from a close family, it didn't take them long to catch on to me. On a particularly lonely night, on the anniversary of my dear love's passing, I took an overdose. When the pills kicked in, I slid to the floor and pinned my legs under me. But family once again stepped in. They were worried when they couldn't get hold of me on the phone, so they felt obliged to let themselves into my home. I had been in the slumped position with my legs pinned under me for 16 hours. 16 hours of no circulation and my legs black from it. I have a fuzzy memory of my sister hovering over me in the ER. And, even though I called her vicious names in my pain and drugged stupor, I can still see her smiling at me and holding my hand while a single tear rolled down her cheek. Now I know that I have a long road of recovery ahead. I have to learn to walk again and that's not easy for stubborn mule of 46, or any age for that matter. But at some time during my first week of intensive care, when I could hear my sister fighting for me and see her haggard, smiling expression; I realized how truly selfish I had been. When we leave this world to answer for our sins, we aren't going to be asked, "How much did you make?" We're going to be asked, "Did you love and were you loved?" I see what I couldn't see in my darkness. Family is love. Love is Family. Even though the words are spelled entirely different, they mean the same.
Pamela T.